Israeli Administrative Office Day of Fun!!!! (Part 2 of 2)

Tel Aviv 4/18/2012

From the restaurant to the Interior office I get lost. Not even my google maps can help me. Phones can be no use at times when you need them the most. I resort to asking for directions. It turns out that I need to turn around completely. "No problem" I think to myself, "I need to work off this big lunch I just ate". It begins to get cold. I take out my just in case sweater from my supplies bag on my back. To clarify, this is just a regular backpack but I’m getting very carried away with this oratory. 

It’s now super duper windy outside like you never believe it. I overhear a mother on her cell phone telling her children to close the windows in their house and stay inside. It’s dangerous! I get a particle in my eye as I’m walking and can now only see out of one eye! Despite my compromised vision and the cloudy skies, I strategically decide to put my sunglasses on to protect my seeing eye from catching any particles. This strategy proves successful and  no other dust particles infiltrate my seeing eye. Eventually the compromised eye flushes out the particle and I’m now at 100% vision for the rest of my trek. [This would be perfect placement for a Visine ad:)].

I approach the building that houses the Ministry of the Interior. I get checked by security checkpoint number one for the second time today. Again, no joking with these serious security guards even though it’s my second visit to the building. I pass the building directly. “Pfff” I think to myself. I continue onwards directly to the Ministry of the Interior.

I wait in line to get past security checkpoint number two. Happily I note to myself that the corridor is flushed with people, and that the once shuttered windows are now open. The Ministry is now working hard during their TWO FULL HOURS of operations. Mind you also that this office serves the city of Tel Aviv, for all intents and purposes Israel’s capital city (although technically Jerusalem holds that title). 

The line is looking long so I pull out my book again. I’m the only one waiting in line who has such an interesting book. “I came prepared” I remark to myself. People look me up and down. I think they are jealous that I’m so entertained while waiting in this extremely annoying line. There is a lot of shouting. Laughter too. Close to half an hour passes. My turn is approaching. I quickly put my book away into my supplies bag and pull out my Israeli ID card and leasing contract since my turn with the clerk is approaching. I tell her my business. She asks for my ID, which I give to her along with my lease agreement. I tell her to make sure she includes my apartment number, number 13, on the ID. She tells me my rental agreement states that I’m in apartment 14. I wonder to myself how this can be considering I’ve been living in the apartment for close to one month and Adar and I have always understood it to be apartment 13. She wants a decision. 

I decide to call the landlord. He can quickly straighten this out. He doesn’t answer. I decide to phone Adar. In five seconds or less, I exasperatingly explain to him my dilemma. I tell him he must tell me which apartment we live in right away. “Is it 14 or 13?” I sense the crowd behind me growing more annoyed as I hold up the line with my phone call. He said he thinks it’s apartment 13. I hang up and tell the clerk to put apartment 13 on my ID. She asks if I’m sure, and I tell her it’s my final answer. She prints out my updated insert for my ID and I leave the line.

As I’m heading out of the building Adar phones me again to tell me that he  just got off the phone with the landlord and that we actually live in apartment 14.

It’s now around 4:00. According to the hours I checked this morning the Ministry of Absorption should be open to 6. I highly doubt this considering my day, but I decide to continue with my funday because I’m eager to complete the mission. I decide to walk instead of taking the bus to continue working off my lunch. I can’t find the Ministry of Absorption. My phone, once again is of no use. The Ministry of Absorption is located on Dizengoff Street, quite possibly one of the most confusing streets in the world. More to come on this street in future blogs. Eager to complete task two I ask a store owner for directions and I’m given very good directions.

I arrive at destination number 2. The Ministry of Absorption is open. While passing through security for the fifth time of the day I ask the guard if there is a long line in the office. He says he can’t tell. I climb a set of stairs to the Absorption offices, and low and behold there is no one in line at all! Yesssssssssss. I’m seen right away and issued my ulpan voucher within a few minutes. Task two is now completed.

It’s now approaching past 5:00 and I wonder to myself if I should go to the Ulpan right away to complete the registration or should I just wait for another day? Since it’s pretty much on my way home I decided to stop by to see what would happen. I’m in luck again since the office staff at Ulpan Gordon is still working, and can you believe it, it’s past 5:00 p.m.! I tell them that I finally obtained the voucher that they needed to register me for class. I hand them the voucher and they complete my registration. After a few more pleasant exchanges I get up to leave.

I time my walk home so that I know how much time to leave myself in the mornings for next week. It takes me 12 minutes or so to get home. I walk in the door and Adar is already home. I drop my backpack on the floor and give him a kiss on the cheek and ask how his day was. As for my day? Mission accomplished, at last:).

Israeli Administrative Office Day of Fun!!!! (Part 1 of 2)

Tel Aviv 4/18/2012

What a good plan I had made for myself today! Today is Wednesday and I had planned to do whatever it takes to get myself registered for Ulpan Gordon in Tel Aviv so that I can continue with the intensive Hebrew classes here. The day started perfect. I woke up. Early. I went for a run. I showered. It was still relatively early. In order to complete my mission I had to break it up into three separate tasks. Task 1: visit Ministry of the Interior to update my address. Task 2: Visit the local Ministry of Absorption to obtain my voucher to continue with the Ulpan. Task 3: Walk in to Ulpan Gordon with voucher in hand so that I could be officially enrolled in Kitah Gimmel (Level 3) Ulpan. Yes dear readers, in case you were wondering, that is one level higher than what I was doing in Etzion, thank you very much.

The previous week I had visited Ulpan Gordon for a placement test and Oh No! I was misinformed that the paper my previous Ulpan had supplied me with was in fact not the voucher that I needed for continuing my Ulpan studies in Tel Aviv! No, in order to obtain my voucher I must visit my local Ministry of Absorption office in person, with the paper I had in my hand, present it to the officer and who would in turn hand me a  voucher from their offices that was needed for registration at Ulpan Gordon. Okay, fine, but my local Ministry of Absorption was in Kiriyat Gat, Adar’s hometown, which was a 3 hour bus trip away. No, that wouldn’t work. But since I’m living in Tel Aviv now, at least for the next year, I may as well update my official address on my ID card to the city of Tel Aviv so that I can visit the Tel Aviv Ministry of Absorption. K, so in order to update the address, now I must start my day by visiting the Ministry of the Interior.

Getting myself in order. First on the list is checking office hours. “No Way” I think to myself in a delightful surprise when I check the hours for the Ministry of the Interior. They’re open from 8:00-12:00 and 2:30-5:30. I’m in luck because I can get there by 10:00, which will ensure enough of a cushion for me to get my business done before the office closes for their two and one-half hour lunch break. And even better, the Ministry of Absorption is open from 8:00-6:00, unfathomably great hours for an Israeli administrative office. I could get this registration stuff done today no problem! Worst case scenario, if I couldn’t get to the Ulpan by the time it closed I would just give them my voucher on my first day of classes.

Well, they said it would be a hot day and the temperature was forecasted for a high in the 90s. I was going to do a lot of walking so I would wear shorts and a t-shirt, and comfortable flip flops. I would pack a backpack with a sweater just in case, my Israeli ID card that needed updating, my New Immigrant ID card for presentation at the Ministry of Absorption, the Ulpan paper that I mistook for a voucher, my apartment lease to serve as proof of residency, 1 liter of water since it was a hot one, and my current leisure book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn since there would be a lot of waiting in line. Are you guys liking this detail??

I check my google maps to see how far of a walk it would be and it’s estimated at close to an hour to get to the Interior office. Task 1 was making me tired just thinking about it! I didn’t eat yet. I drank a coffee and had no appetite for food, but I didn’t want to pass out in the middle of my Israeli Administrative Office Fun Day! I decide to take a bus. I have no clue which bus to take. I phone Adar. He tells me he thinks I need to take bus 72 from a bus stop that’s around a 20 minute walk away. He tells me to call the bus company to double check just in case. I call the bus company. Adar was completely wrong. Turns out there’s a bus stop just a 1 minute walk away from my flat that goes directly to the Interior admin building. Good thing I called.

I set off to the bus stop with all of my supplies. It is hot outside. Like a summer mid morning indeed. Oh no! Bus 72 is approaching and I’m stuck at a red light! Should I run for it? Nah, it’s too hot out and I didn’t eat. Half a second later I regret this decision and bolt across the street on a red light. I sprint for the bus stop in my flip flops and shorts with all of my supplies jumping up and down on my back. The people I’m running past stop to stare at me. Surely they are thinking it’s too early and hot to be running after a bus. I finally make the bus, yesssss. The bus driver comments in Hebrew something to the effect of “you just ran a marathon right now.” I respond something to the tune of “Yes, haha, you are right, I did sort of just run a marathon.” All the weary passengers look up at me with their big, staring eyes. They look me up and down. They see me, in my outfit of shorts, t-shirt, flip flops, and supplies on my back. I take my seat and pull out A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and begin to read. It’s a really good book and my bus ride passes quickly. I look up and realize that I missed my stop. “No worries, I can walk back it will only be a few minutes,” I think to myself.

I get to the entrance of the building and security there is pretty damn serious. No messing around and telling them I’m not a terrorist. This is the Ministry of the Interior after all. The guard opens my backpack and checks my supplies, no guns and no explosives found. Now I may enter. I stop to look at the directory. First I look at the Hebrew one. “Where is the damn office listed on this directory?!” I think to myself. I switch to the English directory. It’s ten times more confusing. I switch back to the Hebrew directory and look more closely this time. Hmmm still can’t find it. “Well,” I think to myself, “I’ll just enter the building further and look out for signs directing me to the Ministry of Interior Offices.”

Yesss, there are signs that lead me to the office for the Ministry of the Interior. At last, I arrive. But wait, there is another security checkpoint! They are even more serious than the ones outside! I remark to myself that this is the first place in Israel where I find that people are actually following the conventional waiting-in-line rules. I wait in line. My turn approaches. I notice the windows for the Interior office are shuttered. This seems weird to me and I begin to worry a bit. As I’m sticking my backpack filled with supplies through the metal detector I ask the guard why the windows are shuttered for the Interior office. He tells me (Oh No!) they are closed! “Why?!?!?!?!” I ask him. His response? “No asking questions at security, go to the information desk to ask questions. Period.” I get out of line and go to the info desk and try to explain that as I was preparing myself for my Day of Fun in the Israeli Administrative Offices I made sure to closely check the hours before taking off. The lady at information hands me a piece of paper that lists the actual hours of operation of the office. These differed from the ones posted online.

“WHAT WILL I DO NOW?!?!?” I think to myself? I meticulously planned this funday, and I just miserably failed at completing task one. I can’t move on to task two before completing task one. It’s like a delicate circuit. You may only advance as you complete each task in order to accomplish the mission impossible. My morning was quickly turning into afternoon and I didn’t know what to do with myself now that my plans were completely and utterly ruined.

I phone my sister. She invites me to a complimentary lunch for a restaurant she is reviewing in Tel Aviv. I think to myself that I deserve this lunch as a reward despite the fact that I failed at task one, and therefore could not complete the mission. Lunch was tasty. We sisters enjoyed ourselves. Free makes it even better. Afternoon was now turning into late afternoon. Soon, according to my updated and more accurate hours of operation, the Ministry of the Interior would be open again (or more accurately, for the first time). It was decided that I would continue with my funday. Off I walked towards the ministry of the Interior.