Israeli Administrative Office Day of Fun!!!! (Part 2 of 2)

Tel Aviv 4/18/2012

From the restaurant to the Interior office I get lost. Not even my google maps can help me. Phones can be no use at times when you need them the most. I resort to asking for directions. It turns out that I need to turn around completely. "No problem" I think to myself, "I need to work off this big lunch I just ate". It begins to get cold. I take out my just in case sweater from my supplies bag on my back. To clarify, this is just a regular backpack but I’m getting very carried away with this oratory. 

It’s now super duper windy outside like you never believe it. I overhear a mother on her cell phone telling her children to close the windows in their house and stay inside. It’s dangerous! I get a particle in my eye as I’m walking and can now only see out of one eye! Despite my compromised vision and the cloudy skies, I strategically decide to put my sunglasses on to protect my seeing eye from catching any particles. This strategy proves successful and  no other dust particles infiltrate my seeing eye. Eventually the compromised eye flushes out the particle and I’m now at 100% vision for the rest of my trek. [This would be perfect placement for a Visine ad:)].

I approach the building that houses the Ministry of the Interior. I get checked by security checkpoint number one for the second time today. Again, no joking with these serious security guards even though it’s my second visit to the building. I pass the building directly. “Pfff” I think to myself. I continue onwards directly to the Ministry of the Interior.

I wait in line to get past security checkpoint number two. Happily I note to myself that the corridor is flushed with people, and that the once shuttered windows are now open. The Ministry is now working hard during their TWO FULL HOURS of operations. Mind you also that this office serves the city of Tel Aviv, for all intents and purposes Israel’s capital city (although technically Jerusalem holds that title). 

The line is looking long so I pull out my book again. I’m the only one waiting in line who has such an interesting book. “I came prepared” I remark to myself. People look me up and down. I think they are jealous that I’m so entertained while waiting in this extremely annoying line. There is a lot of shouting. Laughter too. Close to half an hour passes. My turn is approaching. I quickly put my book away into my supplies bag and pull out my Israeli ID card and leasing contract since my turn with the clerk is approaching. I tell her my business. She asks for my ID, which I give to her along with my lease agreement. I tell her to make sure she includes my apartment number, number 13, on the ID. She tells me my rental agreement states that I’m in apartment 14. I wonder to myself how this can be considering I’ve been living in the apartment for close to one month and Adar and I have always understood it to be apartment 13. She wants a decision. 

I decide to call the landlord. He can quickly straighten this out. He doesn’t answer. I decide to phone Adar. In five seconds or less, I exasperatingly explain to him my dilemma. I tell him he must tell me which apartment we live in right away. “Is it 14 or 13?” I sense the crowd behind me growing more annoyed as I hold up the line with my phone call. He said he thinks it’s apartment 13. I hang up and tell the clerk to put apartment 13 on my ID. She asks if I’m sure, and I tell her it’s my final answer. She prints out my updated insert for my ID and I leave the line.

As I’m heading out of the building Adar phones me again to tell me that he  just got off the phone with the landlord and that we actually live in apartment 14.

It’s now around 4:00. According to the hours I checked this morning the Ministry of Absorption should be open to 6. I highly doubt this considering my day, but I decide to continue with my funday because I’m eager to complete the mission. I decide to walk instead of taking the bus to continue working off my lunch. I can’t find the Ministry of Absorption. My phone, once again is of no use. The Ministry of Absorption is located on Dizengoff Street, quite possibly one of the most confusing streets in the world. More to come on this street in future blogs. Eager to complete task two I ask a store owner for directions and I’m given very good directions.

I arrive at destination number 2. The Ministry of Absorption is open. While passing through security for the fifth time of the day I ask the guard if there is a long line in the office. He says he can’t tell. I climb a set of stairs to the Absorption offices, and low and behold there is no one in line at all! Yesssssssssss. I’m seen right away and issued my ulpan voucher within a few minutes. Task two is now completed.

It’s now approaching past 5:00 and I wonder to myself if I should go to the Ulpan right away to complete the registration or should I just wait for another day? Since it’s pretty much on my way home I decided to stop by to see what would happen. I’m in luck again since the office staff at Ulpan Gordon is still working, and can you believe it, it’s past 5:00 p.m.! I tell them that I finally obtained the voucher that they needed to register me for class. I hand them the voucher and they complete my registration. After a few more pleasant exchanges I get up to leave.

I time my walk home so that I know how much time to leave myself in the mornings for next week. It takes me 12 minutes or so to get home. I walk in the door and Adar is already home. I drop my backpack on the floor and give him a kiss on the cheek and ask how his day was. As for my day? Mission accomplished, at last:).

Israeli Administrative Office Day of Fun!!!! (Part 1 of 2)

Tel Aviv 4/18/2012

What a good plan I had made for myself today! Today is Wednesday and I had planned to do whatever it takes to get myself registered for Ulpan Gordon in Tel Aviv so that I can continue with the intensive Hebrew classes here. The day started perfect. I woke up. Early. I went for a run. I showered. It was still relatively early. In order to complete my mission I had to break it up into three separate tasks. Task 1: visit Ministry of the Interior to update my address. Task 2: Visit the local Ministry of Absorption to obtain my voucher to continue with the Ulpan. Task 3: Walk in to Ulpan Gordon with voucher in hand so that I could be officially enrolled in Kitah Gimmel (Level 3) Ulpan. Yes dear readers, in case you were wondering, that is one level higher than what I was doing in Etzion, thank you very much.

The previous week I had visited Ulpan Gordon for a placement test and Oh No! I was misinformed that the paper my previous Ulpan had supplied me with was in fact not the voucher that I needed for continuing my Ulpan studies in Tel Aviv! No, in order to obtain my voucher I must visit my local Ministry of Absorption office in person, with the paper I had in my hand, present it to the officer and who would in turn hand me a  voucher from their offices that was needed for registration at Ulpan Gordon. Okay, fine, but my local Ministry of Absorption was in Kiriyat Gat, Adar’s hometown, which was a 3 hour bus trip away. No, that wouldn’t work. But since I’m living in Tel Aviv now, at least for the next year, I may as well update my official address on my ID card to the city of Tel Aviv so that I can visit the Tel Aviv Ministry of Absorption. K, so in order to update the address, now I must start my day by visiting the Ministry of the Interior.

Getting myself in order. First on the list is checking office hours. “No Way” I think to myself in a delightful surprise when I check the hours for the Ministry of the Interior. They’re open from 8:00-12:00 and 2:30-5:30. I’m in luck because I can get there by 10:00, which will ensure enough of a cushion for me to get my business done before the office closes for their two and one-half hour lunch break. And even better, the Ministry of Absorption is open from 8:00-6:00, unfathomably great hours for an Israeli administrative office. I could get this registration stuff done today no problem! Worst case scenario, if I couldn’t get to the Ulpan by the time it closed I would just give them my voucher on my first day of classes.

Well, they said it would be a hot day and the temperature was forecasted for a high in the 90s. I was going to do a lot of walking so I would wear shorts and a t-shirt, and comfortable flip flops. I would pack a backpack with a sweater just in case, my Israeli ID card that needed updating, my New Immigrant ID card for presentation at the Ministry of Absorption, the Ulpan paper that I mistook for a voucher, my apartment lease to serve as proof of residency, 1 liter of water since it was a hot one, and my current leisure book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn since there would be a lot of waiting in line. Are you guys liking this detail??

I check my google maps to see how far of a walk it would be and it’s estimated at close to an hour to get to the Interior office. Task 1 was making me tired just thinking about it! I didn’t eat yet. I drank a coffee and had no appetite for food, but I didn’t want to pass out in the middle of my Israeli Administrative Office Fun Day! I decide to take a bus. I have no clue which bus to take. I phone Adar. He tells me he thinks I need to take bus 72 from a bus stop that’s around a 20 minute walk away. He tells me to call the bus company to double check just in case. I call the bus company. Adar was completely wrong. Turns out there’s a bus stop just a 1 minute walk away from my flat that goes directly to the Interior admin building. Good thing I called.

I set off to the bus stop with all of my supplies. It is hot outside. Like a summer mid morning indeed. Oh no! Bus 72 is approaching and I’m stuck at a red light! Should I run for it? Nah, it’s too hot out and I didn’t eat. Half a second later I regret this decision and bolt across the street on a red light. I sprint for the bus stop in my flip flops and shorts with all of my supplies jumping up and down on my back. The people I’m running past stop to stare at me. Surely they are thinking it’s too early and hot to be running after a bus. I finally make the bus, yesssss. The bus driver comments in Hebrew something to the effect of “you just ran a marathon right now.” I respond something to the tune of “Yes, haha, you are right, I did sort of just run a marathon.” All the weary passengers look up at me with their big, staring eyes. They look me up and down. They see me, in my outfit of shorts, t-shirt, flip flops, and supplies on my back. I take my seat and pull out A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and begin to read. It’s a really good book and my bus ride passes quickly. I look up and realize that I missed my stop. “No worries, I can walk back it will only be a few minutes,” I think to myself.

I get to the entrance of the building and security there is pretty damn serious. No messing around and telling them I’m not a terrorist. This is the Ministry of the Interior after all. The guard opens my backpack and checks my supplies, no guns and no explosives found. Now I may enter. I stop to look at the directory. First I look at the Hebrew one. “Where is the damn office listed on this directory?!” I think to myself. I switch to the English directory. It’s ten times more confusing. I switch back to the Hebrew directory and look more closely this time. Hmmm still can’t find it. “Well,” I think to myself, “I’ll just enter the building further and look out for signs directing me to the Ministry of Interior Offices.”

Yesss, there are signs that lead me to the office for the Ministry of the Interior. At last, I arrive. But wait, there is another security checkpoint! They are even more serious than the ones outside! I remark to myself that this is the first place in Israel where I find that people are actually following the conventional waiting-in-line rules. I wait in line. My turn approaches. I notice the windows for the Interior office are shuttered. This seems weird to me and I begin to worry a bit. As I’m sticking my backpack filled with supplies through the metal detector I ask the guard why the windows are shuttered for the Interior office. He tells me (Oh No!) they are closed! “Why?!?!?!?!” I ask him. His response? “No asking questions at security, go to the information desk to ask questions. Period.” I get out of line and go to the info desk and try to explain that as I was preparing myself for my Day of Fun in the Israeli Administrative Offices I made sure to closely check the hours before taking off. The lady at information hands me a piece of paper that lists the actual hours of operation of the office. These differed from the ones posted online.

“WHAT WILL I DO NOW?!?!?” I think to myself? I meticulously planned this funday, and I just miserably failed at completing task one. I can’t move on to task two before completing task one. It’s like a delicate circuit. You may only advance as you complete each task in order to accomplish the mission impossible. My morning was quickly turning into afternoon and I didn’t know what to do with myself now that my plans were completely and utterly ruined.

I phone my sister. She invites me to a complimentary lunch for a restaurant she is reviewing in Tel Aviv. I think to myself that I deserve this lunch as a reward despite the fact that I failed at task one, and therefore could not complete the mission. Lunch was tasty. We sisters enjoyed ourselves. Free makes it even better. Afternoon was now turning into late afternoon. Soon, according to my updated and more accurate hours of operation, the Ministry of the Interior would be open again (or more accurately, for the first time). It was decided that I would continue with my funday. Off I walked towards the ministry of the Interior.

First Valuable Israeli Lesson

Tel Aviv 4/17/2012

As many of you may already have read, I was enrolled in an intensive Hebrew language studying course and absorption program called Ulpan Etzion, located in Jerusalem. Every day I would sit in class learning this semi-familiar Semitic language (I’ve taken lessons in it before) and try to understand the Israeli mindset and culture and adopt it for my own. Outside the classroom I was also beginning to learn a lot of useful things and felt that I was really starting to familiarize myself with the culture a little bit more…for instance there are seven grammatical building blocks in the Hebrew language and knowing and understanding them actually do help you to speak; interestingly enough the most difficult Hebrew words to read in newspapers or on street signs are those transliterated from English; to get any administrative things done involving the State of Israel you must visit a minimum of three separate offices (which can be nearly impossible with their sporadic hours); it is advised to never question authority, but to yell and argue instead; it is culturally acceptable to push your way to the front of the bus line and DO use your backpack to achieve said objective; as you are entering a building with a large bag tell security point blank that you are not carrying any weapons and make sure they believe you and let you enter through with just symbolically “feeling” the bag and not actually opening and looking. 

I really felt like a baller and that I “got” what it was like to act Israeli. However yesterday evening, while spending some time with my good friend Kasa Bayisin and her friend Eldad, I was taught, in my opinion, my First Valuable Israeli Lesson.

One of the great things about April in Israel is that you get to celebrate the holiday of Passover, which means spending a lot of time with family, eating a whole lot of anything except for bread, and lucky for me since I’m still not working a real job yet, also hanging out with friends until very late at night all week long. So Kasa, Eldad and I had gone out for a couple of drinks, it was getting late, and I was starving. Eldad had recommended this steak place that makes the Israeli equivalent of a Philly Cheesesteak (sub ground beef for real steak, minus the cheese, plus a ton of delish add ons) where I could grab something to eat on my way home. It was swarming with 18 to 20-something year old drunk Israeli boys/men. In traditional Israeli fashion they shoved their way in front of me in line, shouted their orders and got served their food before I had the chance to protest the barbarianism of it all. 

And that’s when Eldad stepped in and gave me his profound advice on how to get served. He told me “Shira, you really want to learn how to be Israeli? If you really want to be Israeli, you Take the money from your wallet, Put It in your hand, and Shove It in cashiers face while yelling your order to him. That’s how you will get served.” What could I do? I was really put to the challenge!

So, doing all I could to suppress my 24 years of American learned manners and etiquette, I did as instructed, was successful as promised, and shortly after received and ate my sandwich. While walking home with sandwich in hand, I was able to relish not only in the delishousness of the food that I worked so hard to order, but also in the delightful feelings of knowing that with some encouragement and effort, I too am capable of transforming into a real Israeli. זה הוא!

The Wonders of Ulpan Etzion

4/10/2012 Tel Aviv

The plan from the beginning had been that once I would make Aliyah (move to Israel and take on an Israeli citizenship) I would spend five months at Ulpan Etzion (in Jerusalem) learning Hebrew and becoming acclimated to Israel along with a couple hundred other new immigrants my age from around the world. We’re talking Canada, Mexico, Peru, Venezuela, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Russia, Uzbekistan, Georgia, Iran, France, Spain, Turkey, UK, South Africa, Ethiopia  and Australia, just to name a few. 


There were approximately 300-400 international students living in the dorms and taking classes throughout the day, with the afternoons free to pursue whatever we wanted to do. We had a cafeteria and were fed twice daily, although I’m not sure you can really count it as two meals. To give you an idea, some of the students began referring to the food as “brown” because pretty much all of the food options contained a ton of trans and saturated fat. At the meals I would often marvel to myself how in a country that has an abundance of tasty fresh fruits and veggies (just go to the shuk (open market) and see for yourself!), that this institution could not prepare a fresh salad, no matter what day of the week! Sunday, day 1 of the Israeli workweek, you had 3 different salad options with one of the salads inevitably having gross soggy tomatoes. The same deal with the soggy tomatoes was to be expected on Thursday, the last day of the workweek, and all the days in between for that matter, except now the leftovers from the three salads were all mixed together for a combined soggy and gross salad option number one, and if we were lucky there was some old cabbage salad, delicious in comparison. But that’s enough about the Ulpan food for now.

In my free time I literally had no choice but to work off all the calories my strange new diet afforded me. A friend and I began teaching bootcamp style workout classes twice a week that became quite popular. It was my first time teaching and I had a lot of fun doing the classes! On top of teaching twice a week I participated in a running group with a couple of friends from the Ulpan and also attended yoga classes taught by another fellow student. It’s kind of funny though that with all this physical activity I weighed the most I have ever weighed in my life, thanks to all the “brown” food I was eating! For a while I was also leading a startup group that had high hopes of developing some cool new product, but it quickly lost traction once I drafted a Non-compete and Non-disclosure. Looking back I still don't know what I did wrong-maybe I scared people off with the agreement?

On weekends people normally stuck around the dorms, but I always traveled (by bus) to Kiriyat Gat to visit Adar and his family. Weekends turned out to be the only time I would get to see him thanks to Ulpan Etzion rules of not having overnight guests. While I know that the Ulpan certainly felt like a frat house at times, we were all adults living there and capable of making decisions for ourselves, like we had been doing for many years prior to living there. But with 24 hour security there was no getting around the overnight guest policy. The best thing you could do was to argue with the staff and try to make a case for yourself about the ridiculousness of the overnight guest policy. Had I known about this rule prior to beginning the Ulpan I don’t think I would have attended considering the strain it would put on how often I could see Adar. After all I didn’t move halfway around the globe not to see my boyfriend! Basically his class schedule afforded him the flexibility to come and visit me, but since I had to be in class every morning at 8:00 there was no realistic way for me to visit him during the weekdays. The distance between us could take up to three hours or more by bus, depending on traffic! So I approached the Ulpan staff about my dilemma, and I was told to speak with the DIRECTOR of the Ulpan about my scenario. The conversation I had with the director couldn’t have been more awkward had it been with my father! In the end he granted permission for Adar to stay over so long as he didn’t stay over frequently, he slept in a guy friend’s room, and we used protection. Okay, so I just told two truths and a lie, but the first two were actually true…and he followed up!

In the midst of teaching classes, taking classes, and arguing with the staff of the Ulpan, sometimes Adar and I would go check out some apartments in different cities to get an idea of where we wanted to live. We ended up finding an amazing apartment in North Tel Aviv (intersection of Nordau and Ben Yehuda) for what turned out to be a good deal. Here’s a handy map for reference.

View Ben Yehuda פינת Sderot Nordau in a larger map


We sat on the decision for a bit then realized that all of our other options couldn’t even come close to matching the one we had on hand so we decided to take the apartment. That meant that I would be leaving Ulpan Etzion (thank god!) and moving to Tel Aviv. I’ll save you the grief I went through trying to sort out the final payment with the Ulpan for another post.

Introduction To My Dear Readership

4/10/2012 Tel Aviv

Hello everybody and thank you for subscribing to my blog! I’m doing well and made it to Israel safely. Here is a picture of me at the airport. With flowers, and my boyfriend!

I know some of you have been anxiously awaiting to hear about my experiences in Israel, however while I was living in Jerusalem and extremely busy experiencing many amazing, new, and challenging things, I felt that I would rather live through these experiences and enjoy every second of my time instead of detailing exactly how I was feeling and what I was up to on a weekly basis. Plus while I was having these experiences there was nothing, at least according to my high level of standards, that struck me as compelling enough to particularize into a blog and blast for everyone to read about, that I could wrap into a funny or outrageous story and fulfill my objective of providing YOU, my dear readers, with a couple of hearty laughs, some sweet chuckles or some uncomfortable jaw drops. Not to worry though, I’ll make sure all of the important experiences will be narrated over the course of this blog.

I wanted to create this blog to stay in touch with people in a fun, easy and interesting way. I figured the blog format was less intrusive than sending periodic emails to your inboxes. This way whenever I happen to come to your mind (thrice daily, at a minimum) and you are curious as to what I am up to and interested to read about my experiences in Israel, you can just navigate your way to this blog and have a quick read. You can also easily save this link as a favorite (1) in Google Chrome by hitting the star on the right hand of your navigation bar, (2) in Mozilla Firefox by hitting Ctrl+D, or going to your bookmarks menu and selecting to bookmark the page, and (3) in Internet Explorer by hitting Alt+Z. Save it on your PC, your iPad, and your work computer (I promise to be a fun distraction!). Go ahead, bookmark the blog now so you don't lose the link!

Nothing would give me more satisfaction from this blog than from hearing from my readers. So feel free to leave comments, questions or even just say hello in the feedback section of the blog! I look forward to hearing from you and also filling you in on my life in Israel!