Israeli Administrative Office Day of Fun!!!! (Part 1 of 2)

Tel Aviv 4/18/2012

What a good plan I had made for myself today! Today is Wednesday and I had planned to do whatever it takes to get myself registered for Ulpan Gordon in Tel Aviv so that I can continue with the intensive Hebrew classes here. The day started perfect. I woke up. Early. I went for a run. I showered. It was still relatively early. In order to complete my mission I had to break it up into three separate tasks. Task 1: visit Ministry of the Interior to update my address. Task 2: Visit the local Ministry of Absorption to obtain my voucher to continue with the Ulpan. Task 3: Walk in to Ulpan Gordon with voucher in hand so that I could be officially enrolled in Kitah Gimmel (Level 3) Ulpan. Yes dear readers, in case you were wondering, that is one level higher than what I was doing in Etzion, thank you very much.

The previous week I had visited Ulpan Gordon for a placement test and Oh No! I was misinformed that the paper my previous Ulpan had supplied me with was in fact not the voucher that I needed for continuing my Ulpan studies in Tel Aviv! No, in order to obtain my voucher I must visit my local Ministry of Absorption office in person, with the paper I had in my hand, present it to the officer and who would in turn hand me a  voucher from their offices that was needed for registration at Ulpan Gordon. Okay, fine, but my local Ministry of Absorption was in Kiriyat Gat, Adar’s hometown, which was a 3 hour bus trip away. No, that wouldn’t work. But since I’m living in Tel Aviv now, at least for the next year, I may as well update my official address on my ID card to the city of Tel Aviv so that I can visit the Tel Aviv Ministry of Absorption. K, so in order to update the address, now I must start my day by visiting the Ministry of the Interior.

Getting myself in order. First on the list is checking office hours. “No Way” I think to myself in a delightful surprise when I check the hours for the Ministry of the Interior. They’re open from 8:00-12:00 and 2:30-5:30. I’m in luck because I can get there by 10:00, which will ensure enough of a cushion for me to get my business done before the office closes for their two and one-half hour lunch break. And even better, the Ministry of Absorption is open from 8:00-6:00, unfathomably great hours for an Israeli administrative office. I could get this registration stuff done today no problem! Worst case scenario, if I couldn’t get to the Ulpan by the time it closed I would just give them my voucher on my first day of classes.

Well, they said it would be a hot day and the temperature was forecasted for a high in the 90s. I was going to do a lot of walking so I would wear shorts and a t-shirt, and comfortable flip flops. I would pack a backpack with a sweater just in case, my Israeli ID card that needed updating, my New Immigrant ID card for presentation at the Ministry of Absorption, the Ulpan paper that I mistook for a voucher, my apartment lease to serve as proof of residency, 1 liter of water since it was a hot one, and my current leisure book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn since there would be a lot of waiting in line. Are you guys liking this detail??

I check my google maps to see how far of a walk it would be and it’s estimated at close to an hour to get to the Interior office. Task 1 was making me tired just thinking about it! I didn’t eat yet. I drank a coffee and had no appetite for food, but I didn’t want to pass out in the middle of my Israeli Administrative Office Fun Day! I decide to take a bus. I have no clue which bus to take. I phone Adar. He tells me he thinks I need to take bus 72 from a bus stop that’s around a 20 minute walk away. He tells me to call the bus company to double check just in case. I call the bus company. Adar was completely wrong. Turns out there’s a bus stop just a 1 minute walk away from my flat that goes directly to the Interior admin building. Good thing I called.

I set off to the bus stop with all of my supplies. It is hot outside. Like a summer mid morning indeed. Oh no! Bus 72 is approaching and I’m stuck at a red light! Should I run for it? Nah, it’s too hot out and I didn’t eat. Half a second later I regret this decision and bolt across the street on a red light. I sprint for the bus stop in my flip flops and shorts with all of my supplies jumping up and down on my back. The people I’m running past stop to stare at me. Surely they are thinking it’s too early and hot to be running after a bus. I finally make the bus, yesssss. The bus driver comments in Hebrew something to the effect of “you just ran a marathon right now.” I respond something to the tune of “Yes, haha, you are right, I did sort of just run a marathon.” All the weary passengers look up at me with their big, staring eyes. They look me up and down. They see me, in my outfit of shorts, t-shirt, flip flops, and supplies on my back. I take my seat and pull out A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and begin to read. It’s a really good book and my bus ride passes quickly. I look up and realize that I missed my stop. “No worries, I can walk back it will only be a few minutes,” I think to myself.

I get to the entrance of the building and security there is pretty damn serious. No messing around and telling them I’m not a terrorist. This is the Ministry of the Interior after all. The guard opens my backpack and checks my supplies, no guns and no explosives found. Now I may enter. I stop to look at the directory. First I look at the Hebrew one. “Where is the damn office listed on this directory?!” I think to myself. I switch to the English directory. It’s ten times more confusing. I switch back to the Hebrew directory and look more closely this time. Hmmm still can’t find it. “Well,” I think to myself, “I’ll just enter the building further and look out for signs directing me to the Ministry of Interior Offices.”

Yesss, there are signs that lead me to the office for the Ministry of the Interior. At last, I arrive. But wait, there is another security checkpoint! They are even more serious than the ones outside! I remark to myself that this is the first place in Israel where I find that people are actually following the conventional waiting-in-line rules. I wait in line. My turn approaches. I notice the windows for the Interior office are shuttered. This seems weird to me and I begin to worry a bit. As I’m sticking my backpack filled with supplies through the metal detector I ask the guard why the windows are shuttered for the Interior office. He tells me (Oh No!) they are closed! “Why?!?!?!?!” I ask him. His response? “No asking questions at security, go to the information desk to ask questions. Period.” I get out of line and go to the info desk and try to explain that as I was preparing myself for my Day of Fun in the Israeli Administrative Offices I made sure to closely check the hours before taking off. The lady at information hands me a piece of paper that lists the actual hours of operation of the office. These differed from the ones posted online.

“WHAT WILL I DO NOW?!?!?” I think to myself? I meticulously planned this funday, and I just miserably failed at completing task one. I can’t move on to task two before completing task one. It’s like a delicate circuit. You may only advance as you complete each task in order to accomplish the mission impossible. My morning was quickly turning into afternoon and I didn’t know what to do with myself now that my plans were completely and utterly ruined.

I phone my sister. She invites me to a complimentary lunch for a restaurant she is reviewing in Tel Aviv. I think to myself that I deserve this lunch as a reward despite the fact that I failed at task one, and therefore could not complete the mission. Lunch was tasty. We sisters enjoyed ourselves. Free makes it even better. Afternoon was now turning into late afternoon. Soon, according to my updated and more accurate hours of operation, the Ministry of the Interior would be open again (or more accurately, for the first time). It was decided that I would continue with my funday. Off I walked towards the ministry of the Interior.